“Yuki?” someone called me.
Where was I? Was I in the heaven? Where was this?
“Yuki? Are you alright, sweet heart?” someone called me once again with its beautiful voice.
I looked around to find someone that called me, “Mommy!” I said unconsciously.
Someone approached me and it looked like mommy… Was that mommy? This fragrance was the same, was this really mommy’s room? What was I unsure about?
That someone smiled and it looked like my mommy’s smile. Yeah! She was my mommy! Her long black hair, her brown eyes and also that smile… Yeah, she was my mommy!
“Yuki, my sweet heart… How have you been?” mommy asked me.
She approached me and took my hand, she smiled just like before. Yeah, she was my mommy! Someone that I really loved…
I tried to smile at her, “I-I’m fine and good, mommy!”
She looked at me deeply and smiled, she always knew everything inside my heart and mind even though, I didn’t tell her. Yes, she always knew it…
“Yuki… Don’t lie to mother, okay?” she smiled at me.
I wanted to hide this kind of feeling from her, I didn’t want to make another burden to her anymore…
“Yuki, I know that your daddy has a new girlfriend and they are going to married soon, right?” I looked surprised and I couldn’t say anything to mommy.
“Could you please tell him that I love him so much and I will be happy if he is happy too, okay?” she said something so painful right on my face, I couldn’t shake this feeling. It hurts the most…
“But… I can’t… Mommy…” I explained to her as I cried.
I couldn’t say it, it was too much… I wanted mommy to come back with us again… I didn’t want to face this alone, I was so afraid of anything that would happen in the future… No, I couldn’t imagine it at all…
“Yuki, my dear…” she called me as she wiped away my tears.
“Please don’t say that you couldn’t do it, you haven’t even tried it, my honey…” she encouraged me to say it to my dad.
“No, mommy… I can’t… I’m nothing in his eyes, I don’t even know if he will ever smile to me again,” I said something that would, for sure, hurt daddy’s heart.
She smiled; the way she smiled seemed to encourage me more but, this feeling wouldn’t leave me alone. I have been so afraid that daddy wouldn’t smile for me anymore since mommy left us. I didn’t know why did that feeling always with me, something that was useless for me to think about but, I couldn’t leave it.
“Yuki, I know how you feel about it. But that is not true at all; you only make excuses to stay away from daddy, am I right?” mommy said something like that in front of my eyes, it stabbed me to the bottom of my heart.
I looked down to the floor, I didn’t know if it was right or not, but maybe it was true…
I looked down to the floor, I didn’t know if it was right or not, but maybe it was true…
“Yuki could please ask your daddy, how much does he love her? I wanted to know about it, would you ask him, Yuki?” mommy requested something from me; I guessed I have to try it before I said that I couldn’t do it.
Mommy moved away from me a little with her bright smile, I didn’t know but it felt that she was going to leave me again. I wished that she wouldn’t do something like that anymore…
“Mommy, where are you going? Are you going to leave me alone again?” I asked her.
Mommy smiled to me or was she trying to comfort me? I couldn’t think of the possible answer for it.
“Yuki, my sweet heart… Mommy has to go now,” she said with smile over her face.
I was so sad when I heard it, I knew that in the end she has to go but, wouldn’t it be too fast? I have just seen her and yet, she was going to leave me again.
“I want to go with you, Mommy! I don’t want to be alone here, no one loves me here! I want to be with you, Mommy! Please…” I cried to her, begging her not to go.
My tears fell down from my eyes, for the second times, the things made my eyes hurt… I shouldn’t cry for something unimportant but… Why I couldn’t stop it? Why was it like that?
“Yuki, we will meet again in ‘that’ place later and until that time, I will always watch you from the other place...” she said with smile over her face.
I wanted to hug her so close, but she shouldn’t do something like that… Even if she could, it would only make me so hard to let her go. I didn’t want to leave her but; I couldn’t be so selfish for my own reason.
“Yuki, we will meet again. Alright, sweet heart?” her smile disappeared from my sight.
“Mommy, don’t go! I… I love you, mommy!” I said with tears.
“I love you too, my sweet heart,” I heard it and slowly it disappear.
***
Hot… Ukh! This body was so hot; my body temperature has gone up. I heard someone called my name and put something on my forehead, it was cold but it was nice… Who was it and what was that?
“Yuki… Yuki…? Are you okay?” I heard someone called my name just like mommy called my name.
“Yoko, calm down, she is going to be okay. Don’t worry, Yoko,” a heavy voice came to comfort her.
I opened my eyes slowly; my breath was so hot looked like it was burning inside my lungs. Someone touched my cheek slowly and I could feel the softness and love from it, it was just like mommies.
“Yuki, are you okay?” that soft voice came again.
“A….ah…” I mumbled, “W-what happen to me?” I hardly asked it.
Someone suddenly hugged me and when I saw who it was, she called me again.
“Mommy, is that you?” I half-consciously said it.
Daddy stared at me and said, “That is not your mommy, that is Yoko not Yuri,” he angrily said it to me.
Yoko stopped hugging me and looked at daddy straightly; she tried to tell him not to say something like that with her gesture. Daddy sighed deeply and looked away from her to somewhere else. Should I tell him that I’m okay, but I didn’t want to lie either.
After a while, someone knocked the door and daddy ordered that someone to come in. It was Ren and when daddy looked at him, he looked at me again.
“Yuki, you have to rest from now on until you’re fully recovered from fever and from now on, I will make Ren to make you eat your medicine for sure.”
When I was just about to say something to him, he suddenly opened his mouth, “No more excuses from you!” as he walked away from us.
I couldn’t do anything else if he said something like that, it seemed that Ren would force me to eat my medicine from now on, wouldn’t he? I hope he would not too.
Yoko looked at me with her sad face, “Yuki, don’t you know that your daddy loves you so much?”
I didn’t reply her question and it seemed that she didn’t want to know my answer, too. She stood up from her seat and kissed my forehead, it seemed that she was going to step out from my room.
“Yuki, don’t worry about anything. Shun has informed your school about this, you don’t have to worry,” she informed me and walked away from my bed a little with smile over her face.
“Y-Yoko-san!”
She turned back to me and looked at me for a moment, “Y-Yoko-san, do you love my father and how big is your love for him?” I shyly said as I have never done this embarrassing question before.
She smiled towards me and said, “Why do you want to know it, Yuki?” as she closed the door again.
Should I say it, that my mommy wanted to know about it? But, it would be ridiculous to something like that; it would be not realistic to her and even daddy. Should I tell her about this or what? I was hesitating about it…
“Yuki?” she worriedly said.
I looked at her and thinking about the reason to tell her, I didn’t know what to tell her.
She looked at me and said, “Your face is pale, are you okay?” She showed the same face as my mom’s, when I got sick before.
In the end, I didn’t answer her at all and I didn’t even show my face to her. I couldn’t say any reason for me to ask this to her in the end.
Yoko looked at me and closed the door as she approached me. I sat on my bed, my body was numb, and I couldn’t feel anything.
“Yuki, do you remember the time when I arrived in here with my daughter?” she asked me.
I nodded and recalled that time when she came here with her daughter. She called my daddy as honey and she said that I was prettier than what daddy told her. But, was that the remaining memories left? Maybe, I should listen to her.
She felt my hair softly as she sat on my bed, “Before that time, your father told me how was your love towards your mom. Every time he began to tell me about your mom, I can see how much he loved your mom. He is filled with love, softness from your mom and you, Yuki,” she confessed to me.
Was that how he felt towards mommy or was it a lie? Since mommy died, I couldn’t see his smile, love or even affection towards me… Which were you, daddy?
I looked at my blanket and I couldn’t say anything, my mouth was lock as I quietly listened to her feeling. I know how painful it was to see a person you love talking about other woman that he loved the most.
I looked at my blanket and I couldn’t say anything, my mouth was lock as I quietly listened to her feeling. I know how painful it was to see a person you love talking about other woman that he loved the most.
I cowardly looked at her, “Yuki, sometimes I feel jealous that he loves your mom so much and every time he looks at you, he remembered his lovely wife. How hard it was when you were born in this world and how much did your mom cried when you were almost died at that time,” I looked at her with surprised inside my heart as I have never heard any of it.
I silently listen to her, “Yuki, do you know that he has never mentioned about Akane and it is not only me the one that is really jealous about it. Even Akane is jealous of you,” she looked at me with her sad face but, I didn’t want to meet her gaze for now.
“Yuki, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to blame or to scold you at all but, thank you for listening to this,” she finished her words.
She stood up and walked towards the door but suddenly she stopped, “Yuki, if you need me I’m downstairs, okay?” she closed the door and left me.
I still couldn’t believe it; I was so selfish until I didn’t even have any heart to feel her feelings at all. How selfish am I? I only think about my own self, I didn’t even think about other people… Mommy… I’m really sorry, you must be sad to have a daughter like me. I didn’t realize my own selfishness, mommy must be sad… I’m really sorry, daddy, mommy, Yoko, Akane… I’m sorry…
When I looked back the time, when I was in the hospital… I saw my mom’s sad face and daddy’s, too. They really care about me but, why? I didn’t even care about myself. When, mom’s tears dropped just like Yoko did just now, it really made me feel guilty for everything, everything were my fault… My selfishness…
I closed my eyes and calm down; everything is going to be alright, will it?
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